One Empty Chair: I think I understand it now

Monday, October 8, 2012

I think I understand it now

Editor's Note: This seems to be a "memo to self" written by somebody important. Apparently this person hopes to remain important for awhile, so this memo helps him clarify his thinking. RB

I have come a long way from my humble beginnings, though I am not quite sure what my beginnings were. I keep hearing these rumors, but I tell myself and all those around me not to believe them.

This "foreign policy" thing just really bothers me. I don't really understand it, but I don't think he does either. I sure hope not, or the foreign policy debate is going to make me look even worse than I did last Wednesday night. Oh, was that a tough night. That guy had those facts and figures right at his fingertips. He was prepared and I was not. Of course, I have a whole country to run, so how can anyone expect me to know what is going on. Real soon now, I have to personally decide which terrorist we should next attack and take out. And now all these people in Syria are getting even more excited and somebody is shooting over into neighboring Turkey for god's sake. (Note to self: do not capitalize God so you don't upset some of your liberal supporters or those who claim a different god than the one upon whom our country is founded.)

Anyway, I gotta get this straight, so I can get re-elected. I mean, my little girls need a home for four more years. And my wife, after all the years we lived in poverty, deserves four more years of expensive travel with a large entourage and lots of nice clothes. She has earned it.

BTW, those Navy Seals sure did their job didn't they. Except for that one who wrote a book about it. There went a few more million dollars in royalties that I could have had. After all, it was me who personally ordered them to get that guy. I was ready to help with the detailed planning and training too, but I am kind of afraid of guns. Why do you think I wanted to get out of Chicago so badly. Lots of murders going on there. Old Rahm is not doing a very good job on that front.

OK, so we have Syria, and Libya, and Iran, and Egypt. Oh yeah, Pakistan and Afghanistan (What am I going to do about that Afghan war. I am sure glad they have not tried to pin that one on me. I am slippery, but I don't know if I could sneak out of responsibility for what is going on there. I mean we are trying to help them be good soldiers, and they are just shooting us in broad daylight. Don't they know who we are??) Libya ---- I have to watch that investigation so it doesn't sneak up and bite me in the tail. Someone might think I personally made the decisions that allowed those folks to kill our Ambassador. One thing I do know is that is is good to bow deeply to everyone over there. That way they know that we want to be subservient to them, so they will leave us alone. I mean they deserve much more than just a courtesy head nod like all those other "western" leaders give them.

And then there are those Chinese. I am not sure what to make of that.    It looks like their economy is slowing down. I think that is good, but not everyone agrees with me. I mean it will keep them from getting too powerful, won't it??

I think I sure am glad I have Hillary. I think Bill is glad too, at least he tells me how lucky I am to have Hillary on my team. Bill is happy, Michelle is a little jealous, and I am not sure I trust Hillary anyway.   She called me a lot of names four years ago. How much does she know about foreign affairs anyway. I know she knows about affairs, but foreign affairs....???

Anyway, just four more weeks of living surrounded by half truths, innuendos, and lack of my own true knowledge of what I am doing and then I can live in luxury and bliss for four more years.

I think I understand it now. I think I understand it now. I think I do ...... I think I do ...... I think I do..... I think I can.... I think I can .... I think I can.....      Oh, wait.      That is the Little Engine That Could.        That was such a good book.   But that Little Engine got it all wrong.    It cannot do anything without Government help and guidance!!!!

Vote for me please!!!       And, if you are in Chicago, vote early and often!!

BO

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YESTERDAY I BECAME A DEMOCRAT

A tale of a bad dream by RB

It was just so easy!

Now I can blame them for all the problems we have, but not have any responsibility myself.

Now I clearly know whom is the cause of all our problems.

And the solution is easy; take more from them and give it to me and all my poor downtrodden friends. After all they don't deserve it. They or their ancestors did not build their obscene fortunes themselves, somebody else did it for them. Now, all I ask is that they pay their fair share.

Now I don't have to worry about the future of our country. I don't have to worry about how we will pay for all of this. I know that as long as there are at least a few rich old folks around we can just tell them their fair share is higher than it was before. Or, if in two or three generations everything falls apart, well, I won't be here and others can worry about it then. So long as my friends get their entitlements now and I don't get asked to pay more, I am OK with what is going on.

Nobody talks about the fact that President Obama (now he is MY president) has seen his net worth increase by about $10 million since he started running for President in 2007. My President's tax rate is only a couple of percentage points above that Romney guy’s, but nobody is talking about that, thank goodness. Nobody is questioning MY President's wealth or how he got it. But I can sure talk about the wealth of their Presidential candidate. All of my new friends know that he is evil for having so much money.

Now I have two truly charismatic leaders ---- Bill Clinton and Barack Obama. They have only one, some upstart named Paul Ryan. They have Chris Christie too, but he hardly counts. But my leaders are the darlings of the media. And so is my first lady, Michelle Obama. Bill Clinton got in a little trouble when he was President, but when you are that good, people forgive you quickly. Besides, my new party isn't filled with a bunch of conservative old folks who don't know how to have a little fun, so it is easier for us to forgive and forget. (Secretly, a lot of my new friends fantasize about being Bill Clinton, but I don't think Hillary has anything to do with it.)

You know, there are just so many advantages to being a Democrat, I don't know why I did not do this long ago. Now I don't really have to think as much. My leaders do it for me. They tell me they will take care of me and my friends. And I believe them. I don't have to ask how, I just know it will happen. Democrats are like that.

Those Republicans, like I used to be, told me I had to think; that I had to make hard choices and that I had to remember what made our country what it is today. With them, I had to think about things like fiscal responsibility and national debt and actually telling people that they had to work for a living. Now all of that worry is gone. Someone else will do it for me and we can just continue on this long and winding road down into oblivion.

This road is so painless. I just love it. Blame the other guy. Give up a few freedoms along the way. In fact, the ditches along the road to oblivion are getting really full of freedoms we have been giving up, but not to worry.

But wait, I hear distant drumbeats. Is that a new revolution? It is those damned Republicans and libertarians, and other freedom lovers. They have not given up. They are coming to take back our country from my new friends. They are saying it is not too late yet. It is getting louder and louder. They are even asking me to come back.

I opened my eyes. It is thundering outside and I have just come back from a bad dream. Thank God. (Now I can talk about God again)